L.A. Wilson is a writer, editor, and marketer living in Fort Worth, Texas. She is a dedicated yoga student, practicing Hatha Yoga as often as she can.
Recently when I was practicing yoga I was fighting it. That’s the only word I can come up with: fighting. Something in me was fighting hard. My mind refused to stay in the postures and even my body didn’t want to bend or make effort. Then, moving into headstand, not even IN headstand but going up into headstand, I fell flat on my back, hard, even managing to come off the rug I was practicing on and land everything from the shoulders down on cold, unyielding tile.
The words “I’ve landed flat on my back” popped into my head. That was, ironically, exactly what I needed to happen. It’s what I needed to become aware of: I feel like I’ve landed flat on my back. In fact, I’ve never believed that I can land on my feet. With the problems I’ve been having in headstand lately, I’m afraid to go up into the unknown, don’t trust that I can go there, that I can “achieve” this pose. The fear of falling flat keeps me from excelling.
After that I decided I had definitely earned some time in child's pose. Going into that pose the voice said, “I’ve been fighting since I was a child.” I suddenly felt very tired, and knew that I no longer wanted to keep fighting. Then my mind finally surrendered and relaxed. Like a petulant child, once I had paid attention, the mind stopped misbehaving. I received the gift of realization that the constant fighting is a manifestation of my fear: not being in control.
Do we really have bad yoga practices? The daily practice is what it is and no more. Maybe we need a bad yoga practice to bring us to an awareness that we’re not getting on our “good” days when we can be smug about what a great Warrior II we accomplished.
The trick is listening. Falling flat on my back forced me to listen. Next time you’re having trouble with a pose, instead of trying harder or just resigning yourself that this is one of “those” days, breathe and listen. You will be amazed at what you suddenly come to know.
L.A. Wilson can be reached at lawilson0525@yahoo.com.
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